I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
