yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Pants are for mortals
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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