Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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