I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i just had sex bonerless
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
