guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
