So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
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