considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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