my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
