I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
