Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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