you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
what day is it and did you see me today?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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