when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
