we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
