you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
