these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
wanna go halves on a baby?
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
