i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
