She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
