help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
