Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize