Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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