I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
