Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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