k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
he's gonorrhea incarnate
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
