Yo dont text me then not text me
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
