Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
