What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
