He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
