No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
