I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
i think my cat just said my name.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
