he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize