I like my sex mixed with concussions.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
