I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
