she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
