found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
