i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
