It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
