it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
