so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
