Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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