he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
vagina is talking i cant
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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