then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
