; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
