you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
only you would photoshop your dick
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
