I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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