just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
