He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
