it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I look better un-naked...
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Randomize
