I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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