Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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