I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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