bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
