I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
