I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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