I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
