how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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