I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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