a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Randomize
