Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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