Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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