I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize