last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
