Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Terrible idea I love it
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
