My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
