In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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