how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
