me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
