We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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