Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
