The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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