I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Randomize