I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
