I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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