At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Well I just put wine in my tea
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
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