Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
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