I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
You are a booty call, not a friend.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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