You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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