I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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