There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
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