cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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