I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
