I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
