I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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