in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
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