omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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